Published: October 05, 2006 07:19 pm         

Raising emotionally intelligent children

Raising a child is said to be one of the most challenging jobs in the world. Learning how to read a child’s emotions can be just as challenging.

Adults may often find themselves having difficulty identifying their own emotions, let alone knowing how to read their child’s emotions.

Imagine how confused a child can be about their own emotions. Parents often are concerned about their child’s feelings, but may not be sure how to respond. Keep in mind that good communication is vital and feelings are important for parents to discuss with their children.

Some children simply may not have the ability to express in words what they are feeling. That may lead to a child expressing his or her emotions through negative behavior such as yelling or fighting. Parents need to be able to talk about anger with their child and help the child express anger in a more positive way. This helps develop emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence involves being aware of one’s own feelings and dealing with emotions in a positive way.

One thing parents need to remember is that they are “emotion coaches” for their children. Emotion coaches help their children name and discuss the feelings they may have. The coach also needs to reassure the child that having feelings is completely normal. Also, parents must remember that as emotion coaches they need to model positive emotional _expression.

Research indicates that parents can use a variety of ways to become better emotion coaches. One approach is that parents should pretend what it would be like to be in the child’s situation and try to imagine what the child might be feeling.

Parents should not try to solve the problem, but instead try to relate to the child’s experience and respect the child’s ideas.

Making the effort to teach your child how to come up with solutions can help them feel more control over the situation. It also is important to be consistent and patient because emotional coaching occurs over time.

Children who have positive emotion coaches in their lives are better at comforting themselves when they are upset, are better at focusing attention, relate better to other people, are better at understanding people, are better in school situations that require academic performance, can calm down more quickly after something upsetting happens and have fewer infectious illnesses.

It takes much more than love to become a good parent. Parents who have the best of intentions, are involved in their child’s life and offer a warm atmosphere can still make mistakes when it comes to dealing with their own or their child’s feelings of sadness, or being afraid or angry. Parents must be able to turn their love and concern into basic skills that are needed if parents are going to truly be successful as an emotion coach. These skills will help ensure parents are raising an emotionally intelligent child.

Oklahoma State University, U.S. Department of Agriculture, State and Local Governments Cooperating: The Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service offers its programs to all eligible persons regardless of race, color, national origin, religion, sex, age, disability, or status as a veteran, and is an equal opportunity employer.